One Month Ago Today...

...Elena left the only life she'd ever known...

...and became a part of our family...

...forever!

The Concert

Yesterday morning, after breakfast, Grace informed me that she, Sophie and Tristan wanted to perform in a concert for me.  So I ran for my camera and this is what I got!

I'm so in love with my little performers!!

To My Parents

Thank you for supporting a journey you didn't choose.

Thank you for being the definition of helpful. 

Thank you for the enormous adoption donation.  Thank you for writing the most glowing adoption reference letter in existence.  Thank you for working at our church yard sale like your lives depended on it.  Thank you for trusting me enough and holding your tongue when I'm sure you had a doubt or two.  Thank you for trusting me enough and not holding your tongue when you had a doubt or two.  Thank you for chasing after perfect twenties, fifties and hundred dollar bills for us.  Thank you for the library books.  Thank you for keeping the kids and trying to do things for them like I would.  Thank you for going out of your way, all the time.  

Dad, when you come over, you're always changing the litter box and mowing the lawn.  You're always washing and waxing and vacuuming my van and cleaning the garage and taking out the trash.  Thank you.  Thanks for taking the kids to the park and walking Hannah and changing my furnace filter. Thank you for always paying for dinner for our whole family.  Thank you for helping in the middle of the night when both twins were crying.  Thanks for the smiles and winks that I know are smiles and winks reserved just for a daughter from her father, and for telling me you love me in my ear when you hug me.  Thank you for loving and respecting my husband. 

Mom.  The ironing.  The credit card receipts.  The dishwasher detergent chunks.  The advice.  The shopping for clothes together.  The wincing at dressing room mirrors together.  For being so dialed in when the kids have fevers or choir concerts or a funny (not-so-funny) joke to tell.  Thank you.  Thanks for making all those phone calls after Lewis broke off the wedding engagement.  Thanks for picking me up on my lunch break every Wednesday.  Thanks for letting me talk your ear off.  Thanks for trying to tell me to stop caring what everyone else thinks.  Thank you for also loving and respecting my husband.

Mom and Dad, thank you for being such wonderful parents.  I really don't know what I'd do without you.  

Love, Linda

Nausea

This morning I woke up feeling like I might vomit.  Coffee didn't help.  I knew I needed to eat breakfast.  Only, the thought of breakfast was making me feel like I might vomit.  It really wasn't working out for me.  But I must say, a mashed up avocado on a toasted english muffin with a little olive oil and coarse salt has magical anti-nausea effects.  It's just the unknown of all that lies ahead.  It's just another lesson in surrender.  A wonderful, sweet blogging, adoptive-mom friend Tammy wrote to me in an email the other day that my "life will never be the same" after this trip.  She is so right.  I feel excited and terrified about that.  Hence, nausea.

Yesterday was quite the reminder that we are not in control.  Jeff's company had some layoffs.  There was a time of uncertainty.  I felt myself, once again, rising up to grapple with the situation.  To say "BUT GOD!!!  If Jeff loses his job, do you realize what will happen???"  After a text to Kristen and some time spent on my knees, literally, I was able to just praise God for being the ultimate provider.  I felt a peace knowing that whatever happened, it would be okay.  We would be okay.  Alana would be okay.

The only way for me to have that peace is to make sure I lift my eyes.  When my eyes are fixed on this life, manipulating this day, planning this outcome, I can feel myself gripping it all in desperation.  When I fix my eyes on heaven, I remember the battle has already been won and I need to just trust Him.

It's hard to do.  While our ultimate home is in heaven, our human minds mark time so slowly here on earth.  The day-to-day can be painful, seem overwhelmingly important, feel insurmountable.  But this is not it for us.  We are making our way towards our heavenly home.  That's all that matters.

I'm so relieved and happy that Jeff was not layed off and his job is safe.  Yesterday was scary.  But once I got my perspective shifted, I felt brave.  We Were Made To Be Courageous, right?  Knowing that whatever we face, we don't face it alone, and that God's glory will be revealed in it all.

Prayers

Oh how I wish I could video tape my kids praying.

The twins used to recite a memorized prayer, but now they are branching out and it is so. so. sweet.  Tristan usually starts off with "Thank you God for..." and then you can see him peeking around and finding things to be thankful for.  "Thank you God for uhhh...the books....and the food, and the chairs...."  And then he usually adds on "...and for the dying on the cross".  The dying.  HA!  I love that.  Sophie is so serious and a little dramatic.  She cocks her head to the side and says things like "oh we just THANK you oh Lord for your love and we just LOVE you oh Lord and we just want to be safe and we THANK you Father for these things". Every once in a while she'll solemnly shake her head.  Sweet Grace says prayers that make me tear up.  She says things like "please protect Alana's heart" and "please let Digina and Miderline have enough to eat today".

My prayers these days sound something like this:  Father give me strength.  Make this all about you.  Take it out of my hands.


I have a prayer request.  Could you please add Alana to your prayer list?  I'm asking that daily you ask God to prepare her little heart for meeting us.  I think it might be confusing to her.  Although, she is so young, maybe it will mean nothing to her that we're there, and that's probably best.  I don't want to rock her world.

Just yet.

At The Wildlife Refuge

 

We hear rustling in the bushes.  Maybe if we're quiet enough, we'll see a brush rabbit.

Tears. (and possibly my most favorite photo ever.)

Fixed.

Great Egret

I don't know.  Homeschool FAIL. ~giggle

Red tailed hawk.

Sun setting on precious heads.

Tule Elk

My precious precious gentle girl.  So sensitive and loving with kisses for everyone.  

My easy-to-laugh rough and tumble, perfection in a boy, who cries when I'm not there.  I can not love that face more.

Ah.  My Grace.  My thoughtful, kind, loyal, brilliant already-evangelist angel, who sees, hears and understands (or wants to understand) all.

I should say something about the wildlife refuge.  But just sitting her looking at my children, I can't focus.  Aren't they perfection?  Thickly frosted cupcakes that make your lips smack?  I almost can't contain my heart in my chest thinking of what a privilege and joy it is to be their mother.  

A Good Birthday

A thirty fifth birthday.

A birthday gift from my brother: a check with "for Alana" written on the memo line.

Another check from my friend Erin, with the same sentiment in the memo line!

A gift from Kristen, who knows my heart so well:

Sweet gifts from family near and far, well wishes from family and friends.  

It's all so appreciated and tucked into my heart!

Donating Her Hair

The little girl with the long hair made an important decision the other day.

She decided to follow in the footsteps of some pretty great people in our lives, Kristen and Jake, who donated their hair to make wigs for people who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy and other medical issues.  I'm so glad our family has such good friends for my children to look up to.

Gracie was sooo excited!!

I love that my 5 year old already has a heart for giving.  And you can bet I'm going to keep gently molding it in that direction.  

My first job as a parent is to make sure my children love God and accept the salvation that Jesus offers.  After that I want to make sure their hearts are full of compassion and generosity.  

Something happened while we were picking out our Christmas tree that I wanted to share.  Some nice ladies asked Grace if she was excited about Christmas presents and what did she ask Santa for?  

(We don't do Santa in our house.  Yes, I know, it's tragic.  My kids have no commercial compass with which to navigate  the holidays.  It's something we started about 2 years ago and it has been a good fit for our family.  I don't care what other families do--this just works for ours.  We keep the focus on Jesus and it generates a great deal of excitement.  It's still completely magical--but it's more of a sweet, lasting magic, full of awe.  Not a "what am I gonna get" magic.   We've kept our "no Santa" tradition mostly quiet for fear of a riot breaking out amongst onlookers.  But if you've seen my kids, you'll notice there is no shortage of joy.  They just go bananas over the baby Jesus.)  

So anyway, I wasn't sure how Grace was going to respond to these nice ladies, and there were several other people standing around. Grace said  "I just wanna be with my family on Christmas".   I could have died at that moment.  I have heard everything I ever need to hear in this life.  God, you can take me now.  Heh!  

Grace's short hair is so cute!  PS I love little legs in tights!

There was a collective "awwww" from the people.  Then of course everyone felt the need to warn me about how that would all change once she was a teenager and how I would have my hands full, that she would need every new gadget on the market plus some etc, etc.  Thank you everyone for the fair warning.  We  feel we may have a good plan in place for such a time as the one explained to me in the Christmas tree lot.  It's called Operation Go On A Mission Trip Sweet Teenager and See What Your "Needs" Really Are).

So that's the story of the short hair, with a tangent of a Santa-less house and other bah-humbuggery.

The End

Leaves

Wait....Wait for it....Wait.... 

OK, GO!

I love this season so much.  I love the cool weather, the gray skies, the mist.

The kids get all bundled up to go outside and then they have to take off their coats from running around so much.  They come back in the house with rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes.

I'm thanking God for times like this.

I'm trying to capture it, to keep it.

And yes, did you notice Grace's hair?  More on that later. Such a neat thing!

Learning is Delicious

I love it when home schooling involves marshmallows.

Accurately measuring 10 ounces of marshmallows is an important skill, you know!

  Alana, when you get here, I promise to home school you with all the proper confectionery educational aides I can think of.